Well I havent written in a while so I really do not know where to start. Let's start with that I am officially going to BC in September and am very excited because Katie-Sue and Brian are coming as well. I think this will be the best thing. I think it will make the transition a little easier and help me to know that I have people to turn to if no one else understands. Right now we are preparing to start our leadership retreat this weekend. We are also slowly preparing for our weeks of service in June and July. Also right now I am in the process of reading two books, one I have read and one I have not. I am rereading Rachel's tears and reading She Said Yes for the first time. They are both memoirs of two young girls who were killed in Columbine. She Said Yes is about Cassie Bernall who is believed to be the first person killed. It is believed that she was shot when she answered the question "Do you believe in God" and as the title says she said yes. Rachel's tears is about Rachel Scott who was also killed that day. This book is a collection of the writings from her journal that her parents commented and talk about in the book. I read this book last spring as after reading it had really wanted to start writing in a journal more. I felt that if this girls writing could mean so much some day then I could do it too. there i go comparing myself to someone else. I felt that this book really touched me because Rachel was similar to me in high school. she had a small group of friends and was involved at a youth center. the book points one thing out that really stands out to me and that is that Rachel wrote one day months before she died that she knew this was her last year of life. she knew it was the end for her. in a way she lived how I want to live my life. she took each day as it came and as did Cassie. she took each day as a yes to God and lived each day for what God wanted her to. it didnt matter what the future held but this moment this day is what held all that she needed. Both of these girls faith really inspired me. i also felt that i may have read this so that i could better understand the teens I work with and see the world how they do. These two girls and their stories inspired me to be more than I am. They inspired me to start writing things down and appreciating what I have in my life. they inspire me to see my life as a day to day not one choice that affects others. They also give me hope that my life could some day mean something to someone even in the simplest way. even though their deaths were part of a tragedy and a big event in our history they still give me hope that how I live my life each day will some day be appreciated by others. they make me want to live my life as an example for others. (left Rachel and right Cassie)

Well i think i have rambled about that enough for one day. I can't really think of anything else to talk about other than that these girls inspire me and I am enjoying reading about them and sharing their story with others. this weekend I am running a portion of the weekend that introduces the retreatants to the best methods of running a small group. i have difficulty with doing this myself. I think i took this task on so that I could better my own skills. I feel that I do that alot in my ministry here. i feel I do the things that i feel that I can somehow benefit from and grow in my own faith. I keep trying to tell myself that I do these retreats for them and not me. I am trying to help others come closer to God. that is why i wanted to do this year of service in the first place. i knew I wanted to help others get closer to God and I am making it about me and I cant seem to stop doing it. I think I may be still doing it because others in my community are making it about them and that is making it harder for me to make it about others. i just cant seem to get past some kind of invisible ceiling that is stopping me from getting out of this year what I thought I would originally. i am still getting something out of it though. i am gaining great friendships and doing things i never have before. For example, i have plans to bike the 12 miles we drive to work every day in the next week. i am very excited about it and nervous as well. I am learning how to live in a community and that it is most definitly as easy as I once thought. I think I am just having a problem defining who I am. I have defined myself for so long by what I do and who I associate with that it is hard for me to figure out who I am without all the stuff that I do or did and I think that is what scares me and is making this so hard. Well thats enough rambling for the day. I will try to ramble again soon.