What makes you happy?

When I was first asked this question a few days ago through email by our community mentor Jay who meets with us as a community once a month, I found it difficult to answer. it is very strange for me thatI found this question hard to answer as most people who know me would say is that they always see me with a smile on my face. I decided maybe that was why I couldnt answer it right away was that I had so many things that make me happy that it is hard to just pinpoint a few. In my own personal reflection I came up with a list of a few things that I fell make me happy in terms of where I am right now and in my present situation. Here it is:

feeling needed
good jokes
other peoples enthusiasm
when everyone around me is involved and eager to participate
surprises
verbal praise
music, hearing a song that applies to how Iam feeling at the moment
and dancing

After thinking about what made me happy we were asked as a community to think about what makes everyone else happy and how we can give that to them. This really helped our community to realize a few things. I think every time we have a meeting with Jay we come to some new level of understanding either with ourselves or with each other and I think this is really helping our community. This realization is helping me see the purpose of these meetings and helping me to look inside myself and without myself in order to see where I am growing and where I still need to grow. Being asked all of these questions is helping me to look more deeply into who I am and how this experience of serving for a year and living in community is helping me to grow as a person. I feel as though I knew most of this before this year but never had an experience where I had to put these ideas of living in an intentional community to the test. I learned that community is difficult, a lot more difficult than I anticipated coming into this year. I also learned that it is not all about me and what I need. I have learned to look at others needs before my own. I think this all occurred to me last night in this meeting with Jay. I finally get it, well obviously not all of it but I now have a better awareness as to what others need and how to live in community with them and help them to grow as well and not just on my own.

I have learned today what makes me happy and how I can bring that to myself and to others who need to be happy in this life with my help and with their own. I have seized the day today. I have not let anything break me and no one has made me give my rights away. I have arisen and seized the day.

Well my computer pretty much sucks. It shut itself off as I was almost done with my first post. I will give a quick version of it since I am so frustrated that it didnt save for me. I basically pointed out that in my year of service I feel as though in the beginning and up until now I have reverted back to my old ways of trying to impress people. this all came to a head this weekend when we had the Cabrini Missioners( Michelle, Crystal, and Mary) up for a visit. I felt the whole time like I wasnt being myself and just trying to seem like someone they would like. while they were here I got so mad at myself for doing that that I decided I have to start changing the fact that I do that all the time. I think other people care so much about what I do and it is holding me back. I need to do what is best for me and be myself no matter what.

I feel as though Ineed to take the following words to heart in order to help me do what I want to do and be who I am. I need to learn to "seize the day." Whenever I hear these words I think of the scene/song in Newsies. I need to take the words of the song to heart and apply them to my life right now to help me keep going and doing what I need to in order to be myself.

"Don't be afraid and don't delay. Nothing can break us, no one can make us, give our rights away. Arise and seize the day."